Ego lives off the self esteem

A parasite, that thing that nags inside the insides of you making you feel good/completely bad, your Ego is a parasite.

It grazes on the marginal increases (or decreases) of your true value. A value that comes from a compliment, an exaggerated self worth hardly concealing some deep rooted personality flaw, or a misery. It doesn't matter so long your whole focus is put on 'I' every time you try to think of something.

A true value is usually less than what you think of your self and more than what others think of you. Vice versa maybe. There is no equation for it. (My usual answer to this to is NO-ONE so that I stop fearing the fears I made in my head.)

Self esteem is like fast food junk. It helps making the ego grow to eventually become a morbid obese. Until, if you are lucky, something (bad) happens and brings it back to its real state. And then we call that (bad) something a good thing, an experience. Or whatever.

So should you abandon your self esteem? Well..

There is self-esteem and self-respect. With a high self esteem you over emphasize those good things that you have or do. With a high self respect you live trying to fix every flaw you have or do. Confidence comes from self respect and not from self esteem.

Notice how every D-listed celebrity is all over the place with their arrogance and annoying pompous behavior? Totally out of mind. This is what sets great minds that lived and have been living among us from D- & B- listed celebs. Humbleness. Self respect.

Sadly, happiness is NOT for free

You give up money to get a decent home. Abandon one long argument to get a peace of mind. Give up sleep, to get income and security.

Buying is a process that is not bound solely to money and trading. It is giving up valuables in order to gain stuff you need.

Happiness is in the mind, it cannot be measured by no logical measure. A continuous state of mind that lasts for much longer let's say, pleasure.

Pleasure is tied to material: purchase-ables, things we buy, touch and eat. Which is why it gives us a sense of instant happiness... Instant... instant does not last long enough.

To buy happiness, you may want to give up cynicism, abandon the bits of stuff you identify with, and probably, your big ego.

Give aways your precious things to those who need them, as the saying:

“We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.” --Churchil

No, happiness doesn't come for free.

(c) Image Courtesy of Barbara Kruger

The conspiracy behind the conspiracy theory

New World Order (NWO), the Illuminati, Freemasonry, communism, socialism and terrorism are labels that are used to define a vague enemy. This enemy has large scale manipulative plots that shall bring the world to its tragic end.

Now, even if there is truth in the theories of conspiracy, why do we spend our precious time on learning & teaching them?

Here is the deal, conspiracy is like office gossip: a very interesting scoop of juicy stories about people (we don't care about) but, we still waste our precious time and attention over.


These things occupy the vacant mind and keep it wandering around with out a purpose (now try saving the world, voltron)


We can not counter these conspiracies because in reality there will always be some one plotting and manipulating for their own gain, with and with out considering the consequences.

(c) Image courtesy of Aaron Jay

Solving problems and resolving conflicts with Conflict Resolution Model

click the image to enlarge

This is a guide for conflict resolving, the first three are irrational, emotion-based responses and the later three are rational. Remember that rational way is not always the best way.

MEDIOCRE, NEXT!

We have always feared mediocrity, belonging to the rest of the masses and everyone we call normal are those we do not know.

The simple mind-ness of the ego made us believe that the rest of people are incapable of being anything remarkable because it is a "thought consuming" process.

Once we upgrade a person from being normal to something more special, having more value, the ego is moved in awe.

The ego will need a lot of effort to get back its status in our imaginary world, i.e. being the special one. That's why it is easier for him/her to disregard most of the people it meets.


Image courtesy: Emmy Cicierega (c)

How much do you trust your desires?

"Fast, and you will be fine" --Mohammad

We have always connected fasting with food. Fasting means stop eating, listening to music and saying bad things to others until the sunset.

Only recently I have got the time to contemplate food, and enjoy it for what it is. When it comes to desireables, the saying above should be put into practice.

When we stop watching something for a while, the time we get back to it, the pleasure of watching it and the anticipation grows a notch. It becomes different, no longer a duty. But an extra pleasure of life.

Consider fasting from the digital world. From your phone, your blackberry.

It's like taking a vacation from work. You love work but a vacation sure makes you more productive at it.

Take a break from coffee.

From your favorite hobby, or your best friend.

Call it abstinence, zen, fasting. It is a way to learn living with the who that is you, to discover the why that makes you what you really are.

When you return back to your normal life, it will feel pleasureable. It will have a meaning.

Have a pleasant night!

Jason Santa Maria (C)

Measurable Emotions

Like we've been taught in schools and universities, in order to make a sensible good argument, we should suppress, spot then ignore emotions because they cannot be measured or calculated.

Emotions are elusive, in a scientifically dominant world, only material and calculate-able things count.

Almost everyone have watched Wael Ghonim come-back interview, a UAE-based google employee who disappeared for 12 days because of participating in the protests in Egypt.

After the video went viral, a Facebook page that was created to support him went from 1 fan to 50,000 in 30 minutes, reached 100,000 fans in less than 12 hours.

Ghonim's emotional words has changed many people's opinions. People were moved by his honest words in the interview. Now, in Egypt, people who were never interested in the fight are marching now towards Liberation Square, in thousands.

Photo (c) Bahgat Osman

5 ways to know how much you hate yourself

How busy do you need to be to get over yourself?

You can't stand boredom
There's no such thing as me-time in your life. It's all about socializing and being with some body around. Whether it is over the phone or over the internet. This is frustrating because at some point in your life you will realize that all you have is yourself and you should learn living with it.

You keep yourself busy all the time
This is one of the most common ways, you have to keep your mind occupied with whatever, anything.

You keep your mind focused most of the time
You're always keeping your brain working, focusing on something moving, a movie, people or a pet. It occupies your mind. You love it.

You love being surrounded by people
No people is the equivalent of death to you, people are your drug of choice. You have them on your phone, they text you, you talk to them.

You love being distracted
You listen to music, you write, you drink, you eat, you love, you will do anything to be but with yourself.


But it's boring!
It is not bad to be surrounded by people and have them all the time.

The problem is the moment we are out of work, out of people out of ideas. Our problem is boredom, we perceive it as the enemy.

And it is, if we couldn't handle it well, boredom will be the enemy.

To know how to just be with ourselves is an art we have yet to master.

To stop and stare at the beauty that surrounds us, outside our comfort zone, a very trivial act but we are usually afraid of.

Think of it... not!
The solution is not just being, it is that when you think that you are doing nothing you actually over think, over analyze, over process every single word and you listen to these cancerous thoughts.

Next time you're around your beloved ones, feel free to stay silent, and enjoy the act of not just not talking, but also not thinking. Whenever you're there, indulge.

Insomnia by Jana Traboulsy (c) 2010

Burden of Praise

Every time you hear a compliment, stop your brain from believing it because if you did, you are killed.

To be defined is to be killed. The word 'define' comes from French 'de finire', to put an end.

When someone praises you, they encircle you in a walled garden. This wall is fragile, it will shake to the next ego stroke and collapse to the smallest quake.

Easy steps to having a great mind, asking smarter questions

Smart questions start with what, great questions start with why.

The What question  

1. Concerned with outer shell, the color, the number and the statistic.

Examples of that what is the definition? What did just fell on me?

2. It is concerned with the name, the who.  

What's your name? Who are you?

3. It addresses the looks. 

What is he wearing? 

4. The outward expression, the visual part, the book cover. Imagine the asnwer.

What is that? From where do you come?

5. It is the news, the events. 

What's happening?

6. The worst way to categorize people. 

What are you? Are you different?

7. It is basic, it is novel, it is naïve. It is the facts that are available for everyone to read. 

"What the hell!?"

The Why question

1. The deeper layer of the subject. Thought provoking. 

Why did the apple fall?

2. It is the purpose, the drive that gets people going. 

Why are you doing all of this? 

3. It is the reason because. 

Why did that happen to me? 

4. It is reflective. 

Why him? Why me? 

5. It is the ideas. 

Why will they make it happen? Why do they care?

6. A better way to judge people, helps you understand.

Why are you?

7. It is advanced, it is the question children ask and ususally get, "I don't know" from adults. It is core. 

"Why the heck!?"

Art work by Jana Traboulsy (c) 2010

Asking Smart Questions vs. Asking Great Questions

Having learned from life, family, school and university, I grew up asking supposedly, the smartest questions, that are so, according to their standards.  They were apparently, expected.

Only after having asked so many stupid questions I was able to improve. Every time I asked why questions, I got the "what kind of a stupid question is that" look from my teachers & colleagues.

Try doing that. I promise you, you will get that reaction.

In the next post, I will portray the difference between what and why and what they are about, and how one should see them.

Please take note that asking the smart questions (which start with something like 'what') can make you a smart and a favorite student. I kid you not.

Quote by Eleanor Roosevelt (1884, 1962)

What's beginner's luck anyway?

Picasso

It is acting in a way such that the person isn't aware of the risks, the possibilities and the real deal. It is performance sans ego. It is acting with a certain level of ignorance, accepting and acknowledging such incompetency.

To start with the confidence that you have nothing to lose, not your time, your money or your reputation is the key object to getting luck at your side.

The time comes when a person develops status, reputation and an identity. The identity that normally an ego sides with.

As soon as you have that formed identity, the mind is occupied with certain facts from ego, and the master gets busy protecting the newly found identity, the ego.

How often do we hear about the humbleness of great minds, too good to have an ego. The saying "little person, big ego" is nothing but truth.

In biographical documentations of world's great artists, an artist is usually portrayed as suffering right before his masterpiece is delivered. Suffering to a level of self loath and hate. To a level of major depression. Until there's no ego involved in the process of producing the piece of art.

That whole gut feeling thing

Fernando Vincente (c) 2010

I hadn't felt strongly about things since almost ever. The whole gut feeling 'myth' was stuff I hear of, but never seen happening in real time.

Now I am aware of my mind signals, I am able to receive them, after a very long blockade.

It makes me happy. It's a whole different thing to be able to listen to your mind, it is not just listening and obeying, it’s a state where you have a complete faith in the feeling, Zero doubt.

Creepy, I thought it would  when having a gut feeling is so not.

One has to be prepared for the best, it is yet to come.

The different types of happiness

We usually confuse happiness with pleasure. Needs with wants. Satisfaction with settlement, and patience with power.

Happiness is long-lasting, it is a continuous state of mind. Happiness is like the ambient light of a picture, it will show even in the details. It will show despite the shortcomings. In a picture, in spite of the color blotches.

Wants are from Ego. They are pushy, high level, mostly gets you an instant sense of pleasure. It is in the details. When there's too much detail in a picture, the picture gets over-whelmed, crowded, not easy on the eye. Ugly.

To be happy is to embrace flaws, accept them. Giving up some of the details, not to mess up the whole picture.

7 things you probably didn't know about your mind

“its beautiful. Sometimes so beautiful is frightening. hasent anyone ever told you the human minddd is a dangerous place?” - Paulina Ruiz ©

1. It is significant. It is king.
2. The language it speaks is non-verbal, action-oriented.
3. Mind never sleeps, it can feel and experience a dreamer's dream.
4. Doesn't belong to the lower realms of the world
5. Communicates on a different level
6. The mind is perception
7. It is spirit, soul, the energy of the body

What is normal?

Jason Brooks (c)

Normal, in scientific terms, is belonging to the 70 percentile under the bell curve. It is call it normality. Even if it is not the right decision, people will often choose to belong to wherever majority are standing. Because it feels safe.

In pre-modern societies, it was widely accepted to treat ethnic groups alien to yours like slaves because it was a norm. Everybody did it.

Norm is also called going along with the flow. Following trends instead of questioning them.

To act mindfully is to question norms, and good questions start with a why.

How your words travel in time & space

"some... seem to be angry with images for not being things, and with words for not being feelings.

"Words and images are like shells, no less integral parts of nature than are the substances they cover, but better addressed to the eye and more open to observation"

―George Santayana

Sometimes you wonder if the other person ever noticed how genuine (or fake) you were?

As a matter of mere realization, there are two zones of communication with others... the first is where our five senses are. It is where materials, logic & reasoning thrive.

In the other zone, the mind and sixth sense happen to be. It is where a book takes you, dreams are made, and people who pray and meditate abandon the world for. In the other zone belong trance and extacy.

Sensorial, the senses of the first zone, serves as a filtering gateway to the mind. If one had the five senses working well but was not present-minded, the senses are useless.

Unlike the old times, the mind today is almost always fully occupied with the sensorial. We often miss out a lot of the second zone's pleasures and peacefulness. Now if the mind is busy processing matters of the sensorial, mind becomes of no use.

In our communications with each other we often feel other's emotions trembling space. Even through the stale paper of a book written centuries ago, emotions can be felt.

When things are done emotionally, they get through better than having them done senselessly or even thoughtfully...

If a mind is involved, it is not just communication, it is actual acting and changing. An unseen, concealed kind of acting and changing.

The who that is you

 (c) Barbara Kruger - Untitled

Labels and tags have been placed on us many years now. Unintentionally, we embrace these labels, own them and prove them right.

We hear comments and compliments all the time. "You're stubborn!", so one acts stubborn in response because when it comes to who we are, we're ignorant .

Inside the materialistic exterior that we have formed --also known as personality, their lays an ego and a mind.

The ego is the who that we have been building up since learning the word 'I'... Forgetting the mind, the why we live and love.

Uniqueness is very common

Gerbera Gallery ((c) different owners flickr)

We have long devoted serious effort to be different, become unique and like.no.other.

Because the ego loves exaggerating its own worth, it keeps drawing lines, elevates itself (and you in the process) to be above the rest of the world, inflating with emptiness.

Fact is, we were born different. From different parents, in different places, on different dates. We keep forgetting this simple fact.

Nobody is the same... we're all equally alike in terms of uniqueness.

the Bias in Beauty

(c) [I don't know]

The perception of beauty that we follow is terribly distorted... it is tilted towards differentiation, and "what's in".

We are forced to like what we like by major industry players. Movies, TV, music, celebs, film festivals, fashion shows and magazines propagate images that are captioned "beautiful", "hot", and "trendy". An influence that you cannot ignore. 

If you question the beauty concept that we live by... does it represent who we really are or the insecurities corporate have placed in our minds?